Back when I was 13 something snapped in me and a new universe opened up, swallowing me whole. It created a thirst for the unknown and a curiosity for the creatures that taunted me with their presence. Most would consider this an enlightenment or awakening of sorts. Both representing a "gate" being unlocked for the herd of energy to flood throw to new acres of untouched land.
Religion has always fascinated me but at a young age I experienced one of the most stain worthy contradictions. It was a simple example of favoritism with the angelic burn of rejection. It was a vacation bible school I dedicated my whole middle school years to, in hopes I could be a leader in my last year. When the time approached, they coldly told me that I was not going to be. It had been filled by another who attends the church. As I mustered up tears, they turned away continuing on with their business. Internally, I was furious... they said this year would be the year I could be a leader.... I loved being there and wanted to help the younger kids... my lack of status in the church meant I was not worth the position.. Such a strange concept to teach a child who craves to be present in faith.... You are worthy of God's love but not in this place.. you value will only go as far as your connections within the temples and if you are an outsider well outside the steeple you will remain in energy and respect. After this encounter, it forced me to see church like everyone else. These godly words fell short in this faith driven community spoken by the flawed, unjust guides of children. To undermine someone's character by the number of times they associate themselves with 4 walls made with more glass than clay, was enough to break me from continuing on this obvious profiling path and on to a more ancient, grounded path, thankfully.
POP! 2 years goes by
, and I am diving into Buddhism, losing all religion to find the true meaning of spiritual connection. This time of life I experienced my grandmother dying on Cinco de Mayo, 10 days before my birthday. Grieving this loss was harder than my others because she was last connection to the past. As death does, it sprang life in me to continue down a path of understanding concepts that scared away most... the self. If there is ever a story to listen to in a stagnant stage of life it is that of Prince Siddhartha Gautama a.k.a Buddha. Let me tell you .... its life changing and humbling to read such a complex challenge made simple in all rights. Going from riches to rags but becoming wealthier within live than any material possession could have offered. Appreciating the simplicity of life over the draining energies of what we have not acquired. Starving the mind of illusions while feeding the soul indefinitely.
I leave you with this quote; Peace is not found after the chaos but from within the storm created by chaos. Harnessing this energy is a form of taming the beast.
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